going to meet someone,”) is that, if you repeat it to yourself often enough, you’ll start to believe it’s really true.
When you lose hope, you close yourself off to new opportunities of meeting someone interesting.
Dating in today’s fast-paced, dating app-filled world can be really tough.
I know this from experience, but also because single women come into my office every day looking for help on how to sort through all the pressure, expectations, and confusion of being single and dating. In my work as a psychotherapist, my clients tell story after story about how difficult it is to go on one first date after the next.
While not all of my clients pursue psychotherapy specifically for dating guidance, their goal to be in a fulfilling, healthy relationship often comes up during treatment.
I’ve noticed that there are four big fears that my single clients—both men and women—share.
The key to combating this fear is to change your internal dialog. “never” and “always”), try to frame your frustration positively: “Just because I haven’t met anyone doesn’t mean I won’t meet anyone in the future.” Remember, you aren’t a fortune teller (and neither am I).
If you think you’ve exhausted the dating pool, let your outer circle of friends and acquaintances know that you are actively dating.
But often we draw hasty conclusions, like giving up on dating, that are based on fear and dating burnout.Don’t immediately move on to talking about your hobby of tracking down rare dung beetles. No Hidden Meanings: Dating is all about the subtext. If we spend holiday time together, does it mean we’re committed? Girlfriends have invited me to share their holiday meals when I told them I had no plans. And we understand if one of us says something is too expensive.My friends and I listen to each other’s problems and we offer to help out with things. They didn’t worry it meant we weren’t still seeing our other friends too. Respect for Differences: Dating as adults, we’re already formed. They’d change houses and get rid of his stereo system. But we go to nice places, order good food and do fun stuff. I’m good with going to inexpensive places, but not bad ones.When you compare yourself to others, especially on social media, it’s easy to find real or imagined flaws that chip away at your self-esteem.But remember, no one is perfect, and what you see on social media often is just what that person wants you to see.When I asked a guy I was dating to include me in his family Thanksgiving because I had no one to spend it with, he said he was afraid of how it would look. My girlfriends and I respect each other’s differences and don’t try to change each other. But the men I’ve dated have tried to show me choices are superior. Here’s the thing: I’m too polite to say what I think of life choices. There are plenty of cool, reasonably priced restaurants.They wouldn’t live in the lovely suburban town I live in. Don’t tell me I’m increasing the bill when I order a glass of house wine or dessert. My friends don’t demand more time from each other than we have (willingly) to give. Empathetic Listening: Most guys don’t listen the way that women do. You can see the impact of relationships that don’t work out. If they don’t think they’re going to find love, why pay for a losing proposition. We want to be independent people who meet at intervals to share experiences.I can get relatively cheap take-out, put it on attractive plates at home and serve it with nice wine. But the drugs of the eighties have staunched my creative abilities.But I’ve never dated a guy who does this, he’ll just choose a bad (but cheap) restaurant. And with kindness instead of concern over what things “look” like. And my stunning, intelligent girlfriends may yet want to date again. So, if you have a problem or issue you’d like me to address here, let me know!